Happiness in Life Choices?

Just found something out of my predictions...and quite interesting. In the middle of my confusion to do everything in just one day, I found this and suddenly laughed out loud, cynically...by myself. In an instant, I thought that I looked like a crazy person, laughed by myself. And not as usual I did, I laugh usually because of watching or reading something funny. But, this is something far from what we can say as 'funny'. Somehow, it is ironic. I don't know any other word to describe it besides 'ironic'.

I can't say in detail what the things that I found. It is like a 'past'. A past of someone I don't even know and ever meet. I didn't say that I laugh on her past, but it is just something that feels so awkward, when I imagine that maybe (just, maybe) she is someone that a friend of mine could have known for a long time. This is why I feel awkward, because I found it by my own so randomly, without me looking for it. It is strange to know that my friend would know this person.

It is an unrequited love story...

or maybe, a broken heart story?

followed by a story of 'live happily ever after' on his/her version and paradigm

and I found that if I am in her position...maybe (again, maybe) I would never been happy. Yeah, happiness is in different definition for one person and another. Actually, there are some common sense in what we called 'happy' and also 'being happy'. Have a good job, have a great academic record, have a happy family...many things are a common sense in defining 'happy'. Although, some people would have their own definition. But, I just couldn't stop thinking that mostly...I won't be happy if I was her. That's why I can't hold the urge to write all this (could be) sappy things, a thing that I have never done for a long time.

I think that I cannot be happy...

if I have the right to choose, but I didn't use it

if I have the ability to say, but I didn't say it

if I have the heart to feel, but I reject to realize and recognize it

if I have the knowledge of 'Nothing's wrong in saying something. Even God won't blame you', but I ignore this

if I have the chance to admit something, but I didn't take it

Yeah, I will never be happy. Although, maybe I can learn this happiness along the way and time, but still...well, I don't know how to say it.

The important thing is, at least she looks so happy now with her choice. Thanks God. Although in the end she didn't choose to act, but to wait something that can make her act. As long as it didn't make her to regret anything, nothing much to be worried of. And when I thought it for the second time...maybe, I was just jealous. Jealous of her being so sincere with God choice. If I was her, maybe I would not accept the reality. I think I envy her for being so happy regardless the happy things that she is forced to forget. I should really learn more from her life story.

In the end, I should not blame someone past just because I didn't agree of it. My father ever said, 'Everyone have their own way of choosing what they want their life to be. You don't have the right to bother their choices. Even a cat has its right to be happy. You should not interfere with its life.'