5 Languages of Love

credit : urbanbushbabes.com

So yeah there is this 'game' that my friend, Bagas, asked me and my other friend, Udin to try when we had lunch 2 months ago in a durian food cafe. It is called 5 languages of love. It is not actually a real game, it is more like a psychology test. Bagas said that it is quite a well known psychology test, based on a book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary D. Chapman. He first tried it on a consolidation (or whatever event he had on his office with his colleagues). His hopeless romantic boss is the one who bring the test into the event. I sometimes really~ what? jealous? hahaha. Yeah, Bagas' office is one of the most fun working place I have ever heard from my friends.

So, OK back to the test. So it is a test that will tell you about your or other people's (you may interested in, children, or family) ways of showing love and receiving love. So, yeah, it is like a tendency of showing how you love someone or thinking that you are loved by someone. The object are not always your lover or partner, but it is for all of the people you care ... family, friends, children. 

There are 5 of them.

1. Word of Affirmation

2. Acts of Service

3. Receiving Gifts

4. Quality Time

5. Physical Touch

So it is quite a scientific approach based on our preference and habits. Actually every people have all of these languages, it is just about what they use more. The test form is a choice between A or B. For example :

It is more meaningful to me when : 

someone I love sends me a loving note for no special reason

or

I hug someone I love

It is a choice of two actions. Which one you like more or tend to do more. Sometimes the choices are repeated, maybe just to make sure you give the same answer (I don't know the real reason). And of course, you can't think too long for an answer. Just answer it automatically, without much thinking. It is your spontaneous answer that mostly will determine your type of language love.

It is a quite an interesting test for me actually. Sometimes I need to imagine things, because yeah there are some things I have never done before. But I finished pretty quickly. If I remember correctly, I got two languages with same score. It is not common to have 2 dominant languages, but sometimes it happens.

So yeah let's go to it one by one with my understanding that I got from Bagas' brief explanation.

1. Words of affirmation

People with Words of Affirmation like to praise people they love and thinking that they are loved when they are praised. The praise could be in any form, like love confession, supports (things like 'You can do it!' or 'I believe in you' or other sweet talk - in positive meanings).

2. Acts of Service

People with Acts of Service, like it says, like to service or simply to help. They show their attention with helping people and will feel really loved if they are helped.

3. Receiving Gifts

People with Receiving Gifts type, like to give something and receive something more than the other type. They believe love is shown by giving and receiving something. The gifts are not always big presents and not only in special occasion like birthday or anniversary. You will find this kind of people put a flower in your working desk with a simple 'I love you' note.

4. Quality Time

Quality Time people would like to spend their time with people they care about. They do not need to do special things. Simply sitting and watching television will be meaningful to them. And of course they will like it when their partner spending time with them. This type is actually not very fond of Long Distance Relationship.

5. Physical Touch

OK so the last type will like to touch and be touched. The touches are not always in sensual meaning. It could be a simple pat in your back or head to show support. And of course they will feel supported when these things are done to them.

What I believe until now, loving is about trust. When you love someone, you trust them, you let them into your life. If you can not trust someone ... well if you don't want a relationship that full of grief, leave it. Of course, we always have the chance to understand. This is what wise people do ... to understand. But there are cases when they try to understand, and things just not go to the right way. This kind of thing could be happen between a man and a wife, a mother and a child, a father and a son, or any other relationship. By understanding how people showing love and how they would like to receive it, I think it will help us to communicate with people we care about.

Love is something to be shown, not only saved deeply in our heart. Love becomes love because they are shown. Because human is an communicative creature, he or she will not understand if something is not shown. So yeah, after we make a choice if we love someone, we could pretty much making an effort to know exactly what love means to that other significant person.