March 19, 2015 - Listening and Having Faith

Today I had some dialogue with a senior colleague in my office. We were talking about 'woman stuffs'. She told me about marriage, how to communicate with your partner, being open, being fair, and a lot of things ... I feel like I have an older sister. I don't have an older sister. And although I have so many friends older than me (because I am quite young for my batch), I never once see my friends as an older sibling. I don't know why, but I just can't. And it ends up in me not believing some of things they told me (hahaha, sorry guys, don't mean anything. Just simply feeling like that. Maybe we spend too many fun times).

I also quite often having 'sharing sessions' with my supervisor when I was still in my campus. From her, I learnt a lot. But it's much more like having an aunt you love, someone much older than you.

But this is the first time for me listening to a person that I know for not a very long time, but just feel like 'I want to listen'. I am quite stubborn, like my old man. There are times when people will tell me sooo many things, and I don't even bother to put them in my head. Sometimes they just talk too much, and don't even bother to listen to what I am thinking and what I am feeling.

This time, I don't talk much. I just listen and sometimes ask things I am really curious about. She will answer with her experiences, with her knowledge. One thing I learn is: She didn't judge. And I love this. Maybe that's why I feel so comfortable listening to her. She lent me a book, asked me to read it and to find the answers by myself.

Listening

On this week session, my English class that I have attended for some time, talking about communication. We talked about arguments, contradictions, mediator and things like that. I am not sure, but I felt that lately my environment would like me to learn about how to communicate.

credit to quotesvalley.com

My English class instructor once asked, "What's the function of mediator in a conversation between two parties having some arguments?". We answered things but not pretty much to his liking. Then he gave an example of the relationship between Malaysia and Indonesia. He positioned his self as one of the country, and my friend as the other one. Whenever my friend talked, he talked too. Whenever my friend answered his question, he talked again. My friend then followed what he did, talked whenever my instructor talked. Then he asked "What didn't we do?"

Then I simple answered "Listening."

Yeah, that's what most people not do, including me.

We do not listen. If we listen, we listen to reply, not to understand. 

Listening is much more a hard task than talking. When you are ready to listen, you are ready to become anything ... become a teacher, become brother or sister, become parents, become a leader, become a lover ... you can become anything.

Even now I only find a few people that I am really comfortable to talk to. Talk when I just want to talk, not talk when I am asked to. My Dad, although I often having arguments with him, but until now he is the only one listening to all my unreasonable reasoning LOL. He listens, tells me some basic truths, and let me prove it by myself. His teachings is HARD. He scolds me not because of what I do, but because of what I don't do. He scolds me of not believing, of restraining myself too much. Sometimes I believe, he just wants me to be a faithful human. And this one ... is a thing I learn so hard up until now.

Having Faith and Praying

credit to refe99.com

I must say thanks to God because this week I just got so many lessons. When I made some lecture notes, my Department Head passed by my desk and just suddenly told me about his meeting with our Big Boss. He told me that he just had a conversation with the Big Boss till a point where the Big Boss asked my Dept Head this question. "What is faith?". I just raised my eyebrows, curious of what the answer is.

"Faith is still believing although things never seem right. If you see a light, then you believe, it is not faith. It is just a simple fact, logic. Faith is believing that there must be a light, although you haven't see it."

I was stunned, and smile. "This is the first time I heard that, Sir."

My Department Head nodded his head and said, "That's true, Miss Pijar. Just like God. You never see Him but you believe He is there."

And here I am, impressed by two great men besides my father. One is someone I respect and I almost see him everyday. The other one I have never talked to before, but I believe he is a man that can make so many changes.

I am just so thankful I am here in the place I work now.

Actually, my father told me this thing so many many times before, but maybe my little grey cells just can't catch it up. If I must resume what my father always tells me is "Do the best, and let God do the rest."

I have a habit of working my ass off for things I do. Let it be about works, schools, love or any other business in this life. I think I got this habit because I used to see my Mom works so hard, and she always say that if you don't make effort, although God want to give you something, you won't get it. 'Make efforts, then pray' is what she always say. That's why I always give my best in doing something. But, lately ... no, maybe for quite a long time, what I do is "Make efforts." That's all. I forget to pray. Or even when I pray, I just do it like I must to pray, not because I want to pray. As results, God gives me so many things I want. But, I never learn that praying has so much more meaning than completed your mission.

I hope I have started to learn it now ... and all along my life. 

“It is not my business to think about myself. 

My business is to think about God. It is for God to think about me.”

- Simone Weil -